I know, I love to brag a lot and exaggerate things..call it the celluloid effect, I think big, try and imagine big, everything has to be grand and ooh-so-happening. The outcome has not been pleasant always.My level of expectations has just about shot up so high that disappointment is a hard lump in the throat reality. It's again very different from the pursuit of picture perfect happiness.
What is that I really want, without settling for anything second best and compromising on my choice and discretion.No idea whatsoever.
Anyway, figured some basic things out tho'...
Keep mom and dad always smiling and wrinkle/crinkle free, in plain terms, happy and tensionless.This is not as simple as it seems to me even with my kinda track record. I am so obedient, god-fearing, helpful,miss goody two shoes sorts, won't drink,smoke blah blah, not a frugal spender :( my books and STD bills. I have never asked for pocket money from Dad the day I began working, that he wants to give me even after i am earning is a different story.
I am proud of my growing up years, where I would run home and do that extra 1.5 hours of tuitions to a few colony kids for that thousand rupees a month to sustain my ever spiralling expenses, you see, better time utilisation.I chose to miss that afternoon soap and movie and meeting/playing in the evening gave me solace.I would skip a 200 times to gain in height.
That labour into how to HCF and LCM and do your fractions and underline the verbs and put the prepositions changed to writing essays and RTCs, all for that fierce financial independence on how to manage and feel good earning your money.
Money needs to be spent but where and how??Priorities and needs play an important role.Saving for the rainy day, saving for that one grand gift you want to buy your loved one(s), getting a utility item and henceforth...
Happiness in small packets, big sizes and huge surprises come your way, grab them all,they may never be so generous ever.
Have a blue-print of what i want immediately,I need to pay my bills and buy my books, i need to study some more until I am tired and decide to earn a fortune. I am looking for the proverbial but elusive philosopher's stone that should take me places.
I will have no boyfriend for another couple of years until I am ready to take the carefully and willfully planned plunge.Prufrock said, he will grow old and he will grow old and he shall wear his trousers rolled.
It's an ageless wonder why we get confused over hearty matters, it's so hilarious given the champions that we are in charming/winning and ditching and playing agony aunt. The grass is always definitely greener on the other side.
I have devoured the sun, the moon and the galaxy in going pompous and egoistic just to prove my point that i seriously do possess the largest ego in the universe. But the times, they are a changing...I have given up on it and i am happier, I go over the moon about my sunny disposition.
Less melodrama, bigger bridges, small achievements,that's my bigger life.


1 comment:

manu said...

wow, that's some post. Loved reading it (and understood also without much of dictionary usage, hehe). I think I can understand and relate to what you have written. I never put my priorities so clearly in my life. Life just kept happening. But when I look back now, I realize there are always some few big ideas along which life moves on.

Cheers!! :)