Pyaar Impossible, really?

The Princess and the Frog-Prince tale retold, Pyaar Impossible revives the boring geek to a respectable winner. He is not an Idiot, he is a desi Woody Allen, clumsy, shy and the perennial underdog. He is not the campus stud, but a nobody who goes, not almost, but completely and immediately unnoticed by which time people have arrived at the famous seven year itch. Abhay and Alisha, poles apart - they went to the same university and as the universe would conspire, end up in the same city totally oblivious of the purpose, if at all. If Priyanka was a natural choice for the super athletic PR hottie popstar, Uday with his unkempt hair and Dilton glasses handled the geeky look with admirable restraint. Uday’s puppy look was perfect and intact, and Priyanka didn’t have to move heaven and earth to look the diva.

There was an era when child artistes from Rishi Kapoor to Imran Khan, attained superstardom for their sheer screen innocence. Today we have Bachhan’s Cheeni Kum Sexy. My eternal favourite has been and will always be Jugal Hansraj in Gulzar’s Masoom. And, this movie by him has one of the worst over smart child artistes. I don’t even care to look up who this wannabe Aishwarya look-alike is. She has light eyes, parlour straightened shoulder length hair and perfectly manicured looks. She is called Tanya Merchant and is a Monster to all the nannies in the world. Her young mom is exasperated but cannot do anything to save her sanity. They actually look like neighbours -aunt and niece. The mom only hugs her and yes, hugs her. Very different from our Pears ad mommy or the perfect Indian Complan mommy. The kid is not “kid” smart and intelligent, she has been given adult lines when she threatens make-shift nanna Uday that she’d call the police and cook a you-know- story of girl alone in the house-predator kinda thing. Which 6-year old can think of something like this, unless she has been watching psycho-thrillers and not doing her homework and craft?

God, I am not going to allow ‘this’ kind of Tanya Merchant bratty arrogance and behaviour and precociousness -- I have very low to zero tolerance for such kids. The teacher in me is so no-nonsense though I wish to maintain that I will aspire to be a liberal but dotingly strict mother. Learning from my mother’s areas of improvements and also all other young, old and middle-aged mothers.

There is nothing special that stands out in the movie, not even Chop(py) Baby’s short and skimpy clothes. Her language was matter-of-fact and very identifiable with the timely "really?" and "Aww, how sweet!"

Anupam Kher just walked in and out of the movie as the mad-looking lost father who loves his son a lot, somewhere he has perfected the art of the mentor-guide role so well. Phenomenal waste.

The toast of the movie is Dino Morea - he looks good when he lusts and still looks good while playing mean. All hardworking people there, you would love to hate the Siddharth Singhs who bury you alive with your consent because you are happy with your principles and your geekiness.

The humour is flat, the takeaway lines very little. Uday did us a good favour by not acting over the top unlike his last adventure in Neal n Nikki. His heart is in the right place, when he says he is a loser. For that pinch of truth, this film is going to do well and recover costs. Don’t expect a double Chopra whammy. Priyanka did nothing but preened her hair. This movie is a patchwork from so many H/Bollywood movies, the Frog Prince fable standing out like standing out.

I yawned a few times in the movie but did not walk out.

All izz well?

After jaadu ka jhappi all izz well is the new mantra. Suddenly it is cool for 5.1 nobodys and the archetypal teacher’s headaches to be called idiots. Aamir & co. call it the non-conformist, I think it is a convenient bandwagon.

With due respect and offence at the massive tweaks Raju Hirani brought to the original Bhagat script, 3 idiots is a refreshingly winning formula after the Munnabhai cult. The movie is definitely over hyped and it has lived up to its hype. A dash of Aamir pre-release marketing worked wonders.

Madhavan and Sharman are both aware of the cult status of being part of this movie. Maddy went on record saying he'd give a limb to be an Idiot!

The character actors are also more than happy for their brief screen life - Parikshit Sahni as the senior Quereshi is Everyfather and Boman’s lispy Virus does bring shivers as the bad Princy. Omi as Chatur, is a refreshing comic relief ... especially his struggling Hindi speech as much the looming fear and reality of the rat race that we are forcing our youngsters to with scant care about actual hands-on learning.

Mona’s 10 min labouring act could have been avoided given the ahem-ahem taste of Indian audiences. Virus’s 7min power nap smacks of hypocrisy of the like you know whom.

More of Jaaved Jaffri please, you wasted a phenomenal actor, are you listening Hirani? The movie has got more sunshine than it asked for.

Sharman’s family affairs is the actual truth of many households. Whether he wears his pants or not, he needs his sneakers. Telling truth, walk the journey. Inflation is a big discussion at every Indian table or floor, remember the price of bhindi has gone up! The great Indian religion does not deliver us. I thought religion taught that, karm karo phal ki abhilasha mat karo. So get that formula right, puja mat karo, ka(r)m karo - one could read it as kam (less)or kaam(work). Sharman learnt after 20 years, that he needs to discard those astrological safety stones to get a job in style (tie and wheelchair) and with attitude, he commands a premium. Rewind to the present state, his wife practises yoga, that’s still religion for the human body.

Maddy’s role of the endearing Farhan, wish we had more of him than the narration besides. As a father-fearing son, he does a cute job. His moment of reckoning is the embarrassing ragging scene when his face goes tomato red that he is not the classic cowboy hero on campus but another meek junior. Thunder stolen completely when the practicals of good conductors of electricity is performed by Rancho and our weary status of higher education is confirmed and certified by him that we only probably read and learnt about it whereas Rancho applied it for real. But he lives to tell the tale through his camera lens.

Aamir’s Rancho and Phunsuk Wangdu are prototypes of the proverbial bright non-conformists in the system, people who fight the system by being part of the system. They have the means and the spunk. Otherwise, they will be another Joy, who represents the deprived, over -looked potential driven to destructive decisions of madness for sheer apathetic responses from the one-man ruled systems. Absolute power does corrupt absolutely.

Where does Kareena fit in this riotous journey? She is the lil’ Virus girl who gets slurry speeched and goes ballistic at the choice of names Gujjus have for their snacks. Now, who does not love to play with danger? Her role is as miniscule as her much talked about 2009 size zero news. She does not sizzle but she manages to hold her ground and presence opposite the seasoned Aamir who looks a yummy 20yr old despite going strong on 44. She is still melodramatic from behind the frames, her sartorial sense many notches higher and much relieved to see her dancing earnestly after her cult Jab We Met avatar. Though silly, she echoed many an Indian woman’s fear when she cast aspersions about change of surname after marriage - Ranchhod Das Shymal das, then to her horror Wangdu! Please understand, it's sentimental, surely for an identity crisis. I endorse, men retain their wives' surname as well.

Wangdu is not exotic, it is Ladakh-Leh, it is a Tibetan name - it’s embracing and Indian.

Hirani’s movies do get sentimental and preachy, 3 idiots is no different. Virus has found his perfect chela for his gravity pen. All izz well. It's a journey for each one of us to awaken the dormant Rancho in us. For Chatur, it is a 5th Sept challenge, to woo and sign a deal with the elusive Phunsuk Wangdu to prove he has emerged the first among equals in the proverbial rat race. The pen (remember?) decides the winner. Chatur lost the race before he began.

All waltz well till the promo and premier happened. Suddenly the new found wealth and Bollywood health was not all well with a certain Bhagat who thought he was suddenly wronged. The media masquerade of mud flinging and slandering looks like a perfect advertising stunt (so everyone thinks) to shoot up the sale of the book and force the unsuspecting cinegoer to have some paisa-vasool to tell the difference between doodh ka dooodh and paani ka paani. The war of words and accusations is still on so many news and lifestyle channels and the TRPs are still consistent. Truth is never final and absolute, because the judge is not totally unbiased and everybody has his or her story to defend till the end of time. Chopra and Bhagat are no different from each other despite their illustrious achievements, each is a mean marketeer. Art suffers a bit in the process, not the output but the process and experience. The average and the slightly above average Indian is happy to start a morose year with Dev D and a scrumptious 3 idiots was the perfect end. Who came, who stole the story from whom, how original - intellectual property rights? Any takers? No one cares two hoots.

It is NOT the classic tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing. Not memorable music but decent stuff.

My first offering of 2010.