No one asked me

Crime Patrol on Sony Entertainment TV is kinda interesting at times. Deals with the staple - murders, thefts, drugs, social crimes across age-groups, from every possible remote corner of India and gives the viewer details of the case, matter-of-fact with all its challenges and all.

This one particular episode was around dowry harassment cum-murder.A wife, with 95 percent burns in the ICU and  indifferent in-laws absconding. We hear of such stories in North India on an everyday basis - we cringe and condemn, feel bad and forget about it, with a silent thank god - our daughters are safe or this has not happened to me.Dowry is no longer a North Indian thing now, it is so widespread and has social and religious sanction in some or the other twisted form.

Part of the reason why my folks resented my marriage into a North Indian household is the fear of dowry. As much as I am thankful to my parents for a golden childhood despite economic constraints, I am deeply upset with my father for doubting his middle class upbringing, his child of being incapable to hold on her own and for not being there for me, even now. Only, if he trusted the way he has raised me and that, V is an awesome person, without any trappings. 

The true meaning and original intent of dowry is lost thanks to the whims and manipulations of those empowered. In a faraway hamlet in Mawlynnong in Meghalaya, it is still the norm of the village and community to help a newly married young man and woman to start house. The community takes pride and responsibility to build a house, give them some fowl, household needs and life starts. This, in my understanding is dowry. And, good dowry at that.

MIL often goes nostalgic, that "all things" used to come from the girl's house and that, the girl's family used to bear all expenses and relatives from the boy's side were given "expensive" gifts at weddings, post weddings, even at childbirth, WTH..I also make no bones about the fact that our community is totally against dowry in plainspeak and no showering of unnecessary gifts happen and wedding expenses are always shared.There are those Tom and Jerry moments.

So yeah, the 95 percent burns wife lying in a ventilator on TV. I was educating P about the evils of the dowry system and all.The TV suddenly faded and P tells me she saw her mother burning like this. I was taken aback. No one in the family knows what actually happened. The blame game is still on for the last so many years. I also don't believe in digging up a painful past. In whatever graphic detail she told me, it left me shaken and strangely enough,P felt liberated after so many years. She has become numb to the taunts and humiliation that come with being a semi-orphan. I asked her what made her tell this to me. She told me she has not shared this with anyone and she still does not know why she shared with me. She said she felt overwhelmed after hearing those words on TV - 95 percent burns. What triggered after that, I know. 

Factually, P is the sole witness to the entire thing but the police never recorded her statement. She feels she was too young - 9 years to be precise. The elders also never bothered to ask her - they have been bullshitting around the matter till date. She does not remember her mother so much these days, it's been 7 years now. Anger comes and goes when old familiar spots are visited. She remembers her mother scrubbing her hard during baths and caning when she was naughty. That is all. Her mother fought for a week and wanted to speak to her. When P was taken to the ICU to meet her, she got so frightened at the blackened sight of her mother, she ran away.Does she regret that? She does not know. 

I told her she should never ever resort to the kind of thing her mother did. P told me,she won't and that she loves her life and that there are enough people in the family  who keep reminding her that her life is worthless and that she might end up like her mother. So she wants to prove a point. 

Right now, P is in boarding school and in the 8th standard. Her annual exams are just a month away. She is not the brightest but she is sort of hardworking. Life has distracted her pretty much. I promised to her that we'd learn driving in the vacation and how to operate a computer. I just hope and pray she clears her papers safely.

My son and the Giant Ferris Wheel

Yes, i am not devoutly regular in blogging about what my son is upto these days. My husband tells me to capture those memorable milestones lest i forget the details. Yes, i forget so many details  to note,everyday, every waking moment. He is such an engrossing personality - he just won't allow me or rather remind me to go pick up the pen or the keyboard. He observes, quite intently and loves attention.

So we took him to Numaish - V has nostalgic tales from childhood and what a different Hyderabad it used to be without too many shopping malls and the jazz. As we entered, the bright and colourful stalls selling lovely apparel and bags for young girls and the footwear just made me want to have a fully grown daughter.

The Kashmiri stalls cannot be missed- the suits, the saris, the shawls, the carpets and the dry fruits. The UP traders and their handloom stuff - not everything is handloom, though! You have pretty much everything you want for your house in one or the other shop.What struck me the most was the humanity teeming there - small and big families. It was heart warming to see families from all backgrounds- the father bringing his kids and the mother of his brood there and gently alternating the rides and games among the siblings without making one child less loved.The candy and ice-cream treat took care of the rest. I have to admit the govt. has done a great job in terms of arrangements like toilets, security and police bandobast - yes, the complaints, nonetheless. Our thumb rule has been, never buy anything that is already and readily available in the city stores. Spotting the unusual knick-knack and some childhood toy here and there - we still ended up spending close to 3.5K and not a single item is clothes or shoes.

So we are at the rides area and we look at the closest to what is baby-friendly.Not the baby-rides, if you know what i mean. We were going to take one ride as a family.The Giant Wheel? I was like trying to race back in history when was the last time i sat in one - it was quite some time ago.V kept asking me if i will be fine and i kept telling him ya ya!Tickets and queue. On closer inspection, the seating box was a swinging basket!Oh!And the board read - Today special - 5 rounds!Once secured in the case, i held myself secure to the railings on the side while V held Sonny boy and gradually, we went up.We had a bird's eye view and all. And the descent was not at all comfortable for us adults.The next moment, everyone i can hear, is screaming their lungs out as baskets took turns to swing sideways in mid-air - you get the feeling you will topple out. The 5 rounds became 10. Sonny boy gave a strange look, closed his eyes. I was relaying that bit of info to V.V, nervous because i was nervous asked me to keep talking to Sonny boy. So i was talking very loudly to Sonny boy - everything's gonna be ok! Just 5 rounds ok!Just 5 rounds! we are fine! we are fine! Sonny boy never winced or screamed, he was growing uncomfortable with how we were holding him tight and secure. He was also feeling sleepy. Finally, the ride came to an end. Sonny boy was more than awake. He was on an eating spree after that!

What a Numaish!V is waiting for the boy to grow up fast for bigger adventures.Like really.

A good year gone by and a great year ahead!

So 2012 was very,very good. Arjun arrived in style.No hassle,no fuss - more on that later. He was this little heavyweight who knew what he is here for. He was watching movies with us from day 4 of his arrival and what a movie to introduce him to - Rowdy Rathore!

After my nice ManFriday decided to leave for Bombay, i ran into help/maid worries in the peak of my pregnancy and post-delivery.But then, babies bring their own luck come what may. Touchwood, i have a million-dollar angel, ready to mould in whatever way i wanted her to be. She knew nothing when i took her in but she was willing to learn and took care of me, post that. Family and relatives come and go, but she remains.You get the drift.When hubby dear and i have those rare arguments,she ends up crying. She has one landmark statement for me - "Didi, you are serious when you speak to Saab in English." Serious meaning sad,tensed or angry.

Hubby dear got our favourite big car, we have done 3 road-trips already - one by ourselves,one with family and one with friends. And, the list of 'where next?' is getting longer!

I have a learner's licence now!I know how to drive, technically and practically. I still need to practise to be a pro.Hubby says, it will take a year and i believe him.

2 weddings in the family - and babies already on the way! Isn't that awesome?

Arjun continued to regale us. When he was just a month old, he had his first flight and he was very chilled out, no mid-air drama!And, he was equally comfortable in the Mumbai locals.

Time for Arjun's passport. And thus, photo time!The very decent passport photo that we have is the result of 20 minutes of struggle at the studio. A point came when the very patient photographer nearly lost it - 15 takes and 15 expressions and none of them Passport-worthy! Finally,hubby alone knows what magic he did, the 16th take was okayed! And, oh yes! His passport arrived in good time.

His mundan ceremony took us to MP, the land of his father and forefathers- very calm and imposing.It was heartbreaking to see him give up those lovely silken locks which i took care for months since his birth. It was also our long due meet-the-relatives trip. We had a gala time!

And, in all these, our very dear friends were not far behind. A very dear friend about my age has adopted a big grown-up girl. And, both of them want to study! A few fell in love and also, moved on. Two got engaged.Yet another fought through work stress to be a super fit person. Some of my lovelies are raising  beautiful children and spreading so much cheer. We don't get time to speak everyday but we don't forget to remember them in our prayers and join them in their celebrations and victories and be there in times of difficulty.

Personal goals got mashed a little here and there. I couldn't devote much time to fitness but thanks to my Arjun, he makes me run, sometimes crib. I promise to read a little this year.

Yes, wanted to end this on a super-high note.I went berserk talking to weavers of Chanderi and Maheshwari saris and came home with 9 breathtakingly gorgeous saris,4 lovely dovely dupattas and  plenty of other knick-knacks.And,i didn't make hubby go bankrupt.

By the way, 2013 has just begun.

Dussehra notes - the 9 day plus 1

When did Dussehra come and go? As you clean away the dried flowers and decorations to prepare for Diwali, you see how fast time flies.My little boy has already completed 5 months!

We attended a community Jagraan on the third day of Navratri. Sonny boy was very patient with the grown-up circus around him.The small time country singer put me off badly - there was nothing charismatic or devotional about him, all that he did was flash his paan-stained teeth and he continuously asked the devotees to raise their hands in the air. The music was loud and garish.I came back somewhat deaf.

In the weekend we played dandiya until midnight and the greater highlight was the midnight snacking and hunting for flavoured paan in the sleepy by-lanes of Begum Bazar.

On Saptami, we paid obeisance to Maa Durga and partook this year's much awaited khichudi-beguni-dalna-payesh - in true Bong ishtyle!Yes, all the aunties come in big red bindis and the men flow in their Kolkata kurtas and slippers!And the antakshari in Bengali was hilarious to say the least because the emcee was schoolmarmish!

Dussehra is a little painful for me - suddenly all the festivals are over for the year save Diwali and an odd one here and there.You do bid a happy colorful farewell to the goddess and look forward to next year and the fallen marigold lives to tell the tale. Kids and adults equally look forward to the burning of Ravan - and our inner demons. It is a little painful because some of our inner demons refuse to pale away - they offer quite a dogged fight and it's only a matter of time before you thrust that ultimate blow. The same goes for family - you hope things will change for the better, you can only hope because the fight is theirs, the spoils are ours. 

On our way home, the goddess showed me the lighter side of life as her devotees danced to a popular Bollywood item number - chikni chameli. Seriously - "Aaayee.. chikni chameli chup ke akeli pahua chadha ke aayee.." 

Matheran Revisited

Matheran is very different than what it was in our young salad days or maybe,we have matured and changed since. Decision around which dates and where to stay didn't take long- V is a an ace!Packing was my responsibility - all things in one rucksack - baby's,his and mine.His memories of the place were as remote and distant as mine. He had trekked this place with his friends and I had come here with colleagues from work.Very very different situations.And, now, it's about our small world.

Day of departure-

Check drill of what we carried and the jazz from tickets to diapers, mosquito repellant to moisturising cream and what not.Remembering the mistakes of my last trip to Matheran, i made my bestest-sure not to goof-up this time, especially with a 4-month in tow.You just can't afford to. The 9-day Ganesh festival was on, so Hyderabad looked crazy. We reached the station on time and boarded the Hussainsagar Express (Sec-Mum).Very homely compartment - we ran out of what next to eat.Sonny boy got frightened to sleep in the lower berth otherwise very well-behaved.Our original plan was to get down at Kalyan at 2AM and take the connecting local to Neral, at 4AM.We chucked that and decided to get off at the last stop, Mumbai and take the local from there. I am so glad we did that.

Day 1

As our train rolled in at CST(formerly VT) at 5 am, V promised to show me a different side of Mumbai and the gentle morning air also brought back old memories of a young man's tryst with Maximum City.I heard so much about Mumbai never sleeping, i believe that now. As we left the station, V very helpfully refreshes my memory with an unlikely starter - this is where Kasab..I was like yes, i know but don't take his name please!Hopped into a quaint cab and V wanted to show me the iconic Gateway of India and the Taj by the sea. It is no longer open to the common man at all times after the infamous 28/11 bombing.Barricaded, we saw it in passing as much as we passed by the iconic hotel. As i stared out to a sleeping Mumbai, i imagined how a regular day must be with the humming janta,traffic, chaos and din. I could hear the streets breathe and sleep and a crow cawing once in while.We headed off to Marine Drive for a cuppa by the Arabian Sea.No, we didn't see any actor/actress jogging by as many claim.Of course, we were seated bang opposite the iconic Air India building at Nariman Point. It was so heartwarming to see so many families and bunches of youngsters in happy chatter enjoying a cup of tea at dawn.A lot of morning walkers and the municipal boys in their cleaning drive.V tells me Marine Drive always holds a special place for any aam Mumbaikar, i am sure it does. We also came across a small time scribe who was on a signature campaign to have more toilets installed.

We were back at CST to catch the local to Neral, killed time nibbling sabudana vadas. People here are so dang punctual, read their newspapers religiously and a host of other things.Passing by different stops,Mumbai  stinks I must say, no cleanliness drive in the world can save this city.The sights and smells drove Sonny boy mad, he was already tolerating the humid weather.So relieved to reach Neral,we had a quick vada-pav breakfast and set off to Dasturi. The number of hair-pin turns can leave you a little queasy.From there it's a horse-trot or a trek or hand-pulled buggies or better still, the newly refurbished toy train.

Our hotel had some amazing Gujarati cuisine lined up for us. Old-fashioned housie in the evening while the youngsters foosballed and some of us played badminton; and there is always the idiot box.

Day 2

We were done with breakfast. I wanted some much needed sleep while V decided to take a walk in solitude. He promised to be back by noon for piping hot lunch.He got me the freshest wild flowers from the valley and he did seem to have enjoyed a proper workout.Two incidents left me gaping.

High-way Robbery

V had picked up a bottle of Fanta to keep him company. As he went deeper into the woods with the sunlight peeping through the leaves, he had little idea that something like this could also happen to him. Generally, he is always prepared for any eventuality but this time around i had packed, remember?So no knife,no torch and a host of other things. Out there in the distance, this fairly strong guy stood in the middle of V's path. Both of them stopped and sized up each other.First, there was silence, each asking the other to back off but well. When V decided not to budge, two others from the bushes showed up. And it was a uh-oh moment for V.He had nothing on him, not even stones or a stick. The stares didn't take long to turn to menacing gnarls. The message was plain and simple - hand over what you have and leave, no questions asked.V had no option but to surrender the bottle of Fanta. The monkey grabbed and opened it, guzzled it down in 3 shots and disappeared into the bushes.Whew!That was close.

Ropeway Crossing

After the highway robbery, V trekked to Honeymoon Point (yes, there are such names) and came across this bunch of adventure lovers who do this. He did a Hamlet - to do or not to do. Like all married men, he assumed happily his nagging wife won't allow him such privileges. But the loving husband made sure he left my contact information with the organisers just in case. He tells me he saw the most breathtaking view of the valley and that there is no point of recovery in case there was a mishap. It took him 4 minutes to cover the valley and one is left dangling in the last minute at Louisa Point as the person on ground hauls you in.

A bunch of flowers from the valley for the wife. And it was an afternoon dedicated to reading a graphic novel Indian by Choice on the couch while V and Sonny boy enjoyed their 40 winks.A pleasant horse-trot to all the view-points in the evening.

Day of departure

We made sure we took the toy-train ride all the way to Dasturi and it was the same old. Just that, at the station we learnt our train got cancelled thanks to the Telangana whatever. We took the local to Karjat and a kind TT put us in an AC suite to Pune. Sonny enjoyed the fields of bright orange and pink cosmos flowers at the window. The return trip was all the more memorable - leaky bus roof and Sonny boy decides to watch Pawan Kalyan's Telugu movie Gabbar Singh through the night.