3 Pashas

I don't drive to work. I have a car and I have 3 valid excuses for not driving. No, don't get me started. And, I hate the claustrophobic buses. I also hate most of the commercial sedans and the few smelly hatchbacks that offer attractive deals. I hate ACs in vehicles. I totally love the unsafe autos. Ok, don't get me started on why UNSAFE, then WHY unsafe.

Ola-ed an auto on Rakshabandhan to meet a friend over coffee. That Saturday all our North Indian brethren on Sarjapur Road decided to lunch out and have some fun midtown. Well,imagine the traffic bottleneck on this stretch. Idreez Pasha, the Ola man of the hour asked me if there was an another route other than Sarjapur Road. Conversation was bound to happen. He was very brief and direct. He is from Kolar, earns honestly and goes home to his wife and kids every alternate week. No lodgings in Bangalore - his auto is his home. I thought I'd hire him to ferry me to work everyday. He also offered to show me Kolar whenever we intended to do a trip there. I didn't have the heart to keep him away from his wife and kids every alternate week that he went home.I decided against hiring him.

The same afternoon post coffee and some shopping, I was looking for an auto. This time it was Chand Pasha. He is a fancy creature with a big joint family. He wanted to earn an extra 20 bucks. I reprimanded him not to beg and haggle like this. I told him that customers would give you 'dua' and more than 20 bucks if your 'neeyat' is clean. He kept insisting he is a good guy and I kept telling him he must be!I told him I'd rather lose some 50 bucks but never see a dishonest person's face ever. Incidentally, I found him at the auto-stand the next day and he dropped me to work and he owed me 20 bucks which he assured me can be sorted in my return trip if he was around and that he was going to ferry me to work everyday. I gave him a courtesy call in the evening to check if he was around, he was not. The next day, his phone was switched off. His 'neeyat' was to earn 20 bucks more!

Honesty does not have a religion. Truly. The other day, my colleague and I flagged an auto home. He dropped off my colleague mid-way and we were homeward bound. The display credentials intrigued me. He was also a Pasha and he had an honest meter. I didn't strike any conversation with him, I was just a passing listener to his one random phone conversation. He spoke his Hindi with a highland accent.I was convinced he is from Kashmir. So out of curiosity, as I was paying the meter fare, I asked him where he was from. He said he was not from Bangalore. Further probing, and he said, he came to Bangalore 25 years ago from Kashmir.

Some auto experiences in Bangalore.

Nose-picking day

I usually don't rush to the office lift like I did today. Since both my boys were down with the seasonal flu at home I wanted to beat the evening traffic. Hit the G button and as the lift clicked to open, it was an uh-oh moment for me and the gentleman waiting for the lift on the ground floor. He was dressed prim and proper, I could even rattle off the brands and buttons he was wearing. But I'm convinced he'd do everything to avoid me like the plague now. I just caught him in the gross act of picking his nose gloriously and I couldn't help but hide my reaction. But it left me wondering, is it so shame worthy? But imagine shaking hands with him. Hygiene,my friend.

Now, now don't come blazing all your guns at me. Yes, we all pick our noses at some point, that is - out of necessity, for fun, joblessness and you can add your reasons. Look at our social conditioning. My boys do it more out of exasperation when they have snot and nasal debris stuck up there and I help them clear in the most non-disgusting way I can think of. And, off they run to the bathroom to wash their hands and face. And subconsciously, I am telling them it's best reserved for the bathroom and that too, under adult supervision.

Yes, a good part of my childhood was spent with folks and elders telling me not to fart in public, not to pick your nose in public,not to scratch your head in public and a lot of not-to-dos in public. They are habits best avoided and in case it's an unavoidable emergency, I was asked to look for a toilet or bathroom. I also remember getting flak for calling out some old folks in the family who farted quite loudly without rhyme or reason especially during social gatherings. Well, they are old I was told and they could do anything they like. Like really. 

Coming back to picking noses.Our music teacher at school famously did so during assembly and prayer in full glory. I don't think she cared much for the suppressed giggles and the dirty stares. The result was we didn't want to learn the piano under her.Lost one hobby.

And, my day just can't end without drama. The auto guy was also picking his nose during the journey. He was also scraping it off at traffic signal jams. I had my tolerance levels really stretched yesterday.

You think what is in your nose should stay in your nose?

What is your name, Madam? My name is Madam

It's been ages I had interesting conversations with the autowallah bhai log. Around  Diwali, i met a kind soul who drove me home safely through an unavoidable potholed road.He charged 10 rupees more than the actual meter fare and for a change, i didn't feel bad giving him his premium. I also offered a box of Diwali sweets.His face lit up and he was tad guilty, left with a 'Happy Diwali, Madam!'

Yesterday,I was outside a big retail store with a big bag and of course,the waiting autos are always the foxy ones, negotiating with them is a real hurdle. So I don't even look at them - simply ignore. I flagged a running auto, a young boy driver and I must say,I am partial to brand new autos.He had absolutely short hair, seems to me, he shaved his head weeks ago.I didn't say a word, just hopped in and he had that 'please,meter pe 10 rupaiya, madam' look. I gave him a hard stare and told him to take the nearest left and exit to the connecting road. He mumbled a grumble but gave up mid-way, more like a student who has been denied a free period.He defended he won't get any return passenger. I retorted he should never give up hope.He said he lost all his hair hoping.I was like - come again? I preached if he got up everyday that he would not get any passengers.You can always expect 2 kinds of reactions. One, to extract their pound of flesh, some autowallas drive over potholes purposely and make you regret you ever hired them. Two, well the obvious - drive properly.Well, my young boy drove properly, more out of love for his new auto.And, methinks, he is not from the city, once in a while, he asked me directions. Two, he also gave me options of shortcuts or regular U-turns which meant more fuel and more fare.I left it to him and he took care it was optimum for both.

I was amused a little. I remarked at him that he does not look like a local, he confirmed. He was from Mahbubnagar and I asked him what about his family. He said he has none. I asked again, mother-father? He was puzzled, and answered of course, his parents were there. Then, what was he thinking - wife and kids . His parents were in Annaram.On further enquiries he said he is a class 9 drop-out and he was more interested in autos and lost interest in school.I asked him if he ever wanted to finish school. He said yes, his mother is after his life egging him to write his 10th.I asked him, if he wants to. He said yes because he feels bad his friends are in college.I asked him his age, he quickly defended saying he is not so grown-up as he looks but is much younger. I told him I didn't say he looked old. He reluctantly revealed he was 17.And what about his driving licence - he was like 'ho jata'. Very good, I told him his entire life was there in front of him and tomorrow, his kids would be very proud if their dad managed to study a little more.

Soon, I was at my doorstep. He pleaded with me to give that extra 10 bucks. I looked at him with a stern but gentle stare. I handed him the meter fare. He accepted it fairly. Then, I handed him 10 bucks with the promise that he will write his 10th open schooling exam.And wherever and whenever we meet again, he should shout out with the update.I asked his name - Venkatesh. He asked my name - 'What is your name, Madam?' I said, 'Madam!' And, that I used to teach kids his age.He held that 10 rupees, wondering whether to return or ..I didn't turn back.

Tuk-Tuk tales : Kiss in the mirror

I hailed this auto last morning on my way to work, it had all the works of Basanti Tangewali. Anyway, meter on and we were on our way zooming when i notice a salacious pair of ugly red lips on both the side mirrors.OOOf!

Whichever side of the auto one sits, at the back - central, left or right, our man has ensured he gets a a live coverage of heaving bosoms, with dupatta, scarf, odhni or without one from the rear-view mirror.

I tried to perch myself strategically away from those roguish lips,i managed to hide from one side but was covered on the other, not happening!

And our man in a torn khaki shirt was too listless and bored to care about the discomfort.Anyway, i thought this makes for an interesting entry and for lack of a better pair of lens, i took out my old and humble N72 to capture those lips. Our man got alerted.He began stretching his arms to,ofcourse, block my view. He also began driving superfast through all potholes and god, i wanted to swear at him. But then, i spared him.Om Gandhigiri!

I took about 6 wrong pictures before i hooked the ones i wanted.

This one for you, Abdul Bhai

Where I stay, around the corner there is a fleet of autos. Each one have taken turns to drop me to work. They all have their own stories and an unspoken acknowledgement that they are all there for all my errands. I call them Bhai but they treat me like their lil’ girl and fondly call me “Madam” like my students in college.

I had so gotten used to Abdul Bhai dropping me to work. He knew which pothole to avoid and could read every crease of panic on my forehead that I was running late. There are days when he light-heartedly told me - “Madam, aap late ho aaj.” Of course, there is no fixed monthly payment arrangement. There are days when I take the bus or a loved one drops me to work. So, the meter never runs for these guys, I pay them the normal rate incurred once upon a time on the meter! And when Abdul Bhai is present, no other Bhai comes forward unless he has another set of school children to drop.

So there are days when Abdul Bhai has no change and very conveniently, I ask him to keep the change for the next day’s fare. So days went by and one morning, I don’t find him there and I don’t see  him for days on end. I was curious to ask the brethren but refrained. One or the other took turns to drop me to work. I decided to keep the advance payment system a lil’ to my advantage. Abdul Bhai owed me 60 rupees before he did the disappearing act.

One Saturday afternoon I saw him catching a nap in his tuk-tuk. I was relieved he was back and so glad that my fears were proved wrong. But again, he never showed up in the mornings. I was like OK, he must be serving guard at some other place to avoid paying my money. I feel extremely horrible to admit this.

But on Wednesday he showed up and wished me, “Namaste Madam, bahut din ke baad..” I was like ahem ahem, managed to break ice, inquired about his missing-abouts. He told me his tuk-tuk gave him enough trouble to not turn up in the mornings. And you know what, when I got down near college, he told me with gallant honesty that he still owed me 60 rupees.

You might be tempted to say it’s only 60 rupees, big deal! I know as much - it is not that 60 rupees but someone’s trust and another’s credibility. He restored my faith and affirmation. Smiles.

This afternoon, I had a nasty auto-guy to deal with on my way home. He wanted to intimidate me with his auto-meter theory and that I was being difficult and all. It was pretty apparent I was fighting for justice with a buffalo in front of my home. There was an unnecessary ruckus. And guess what, Abdul Bhai and another Bhai came to my rescue. There is a certain chutzpah in the manner he conducted himself. He told me clearly, “Madam you pay just as much as you should. We will take care of the rest.” I took a peek back and see what the deal was. Very professionally, the nasty fellow was shooed away.

I was definitely not crying for help. But in a public situation with onlookers, we also have proactive people and one of them is Abdul Bhai. I just prayed for him, thanked god for people like him. I felt good to be in Hyderabad.

Thank  you, Abdul Bhai. You are my new hero.

Smiles :O)

Auto Encounters

The classic ones include tampered meters and boy, they fight and haggle like you are stripping their wives. I don’t know who takes panga - me or them, but I have always gotten away with my classic, “ bheekh mangna hai toh manglo." I will pay the extra fare only when you go down on your knees and beg, like beggars begging. There also this mixed breed who don’t travel by meter but by a fixed rate of understanding. Suddenly, they see a huge palatial mansion that you are standing in front of and the fare just goes up by 5-10 rupees or there is no change to return. 

Encounter 1

I know this friend of mine from Delhi who is an entertaining holds-a-conversation kinda person. Whenever we have gone out(always more than 4 people)he volunteers to share bum space with the driver and they have such animated discussions from familiarity to empathy and by the end of the journey the fare has come down by a smiling but small margin.

Encounter 2

I also have this amazing ex-roomie and good friend who is a diva in my reckoning. She cares two hoots when travelling in an auto. After our momo-eating jaunts, we flag a shared auto and she charmingly tells me to take the back seat, while she props herself next to the driver. I know what’s running in all your heads, no the driver is too scared to be distracted!

Encounter 3 and minor ones

I have seen very few Telugu auto-wallahs, most are old city dwellers or migrants from everywhere. There have been interesting conversations with some. There was this young guy from Jamshedpur, who had come here to save enough for his wedding. It turns out he lived a few lanes away from mine. There was another chap from Kurnool who had 3 daughters whom he sent to school and his wife ‘ran’ a kirana store. I remember giving him a packet of murukkus for Diwali from my shopping bag. It was like until we meet again. There was also this guy who thinks KCR is utter rubbish and that YSR's tragic accident just is not right.

Encounter 4

Then, there were those days when my colleague and I ran into lousy auto-guys whose meters were always bullying. We began interrogating each auto which stopped by if his meter is tamper-free. Then we met this gruff old man, who gave us an earful for doubting his dignity and self-respect. Very comfortingly, he told us, yes there are enough and more people who have tainted the profession and brought bad name by fleecing poor passengers for a meagre buck. But he sternly asked us to keep faith and that there are enough good Samaritans also. Yes, I agree.

Encounter 5

Once I had gone to Osmania University on a Sunday for an examination. In the morning, an old man dropped me. When I was collecting the change from him, he asked me if I had come for an examination. I said yes, he wished me best of luck and told me he’d keep me in his prayers. I was touched. That very evening, when I wanted to take an auto to the bus station, I met an impudent chap who coolly asked me to fish out 100 rupees. I know the station is barely 5-6 kms from there and it was less than 50 rupees. I asked him to pray tell me why the special treatment of asking double the rate. He shot back, “Sunday” and the blah. He refused to go by the meter and confidently told me that his meter would clock 60 rupees and he wanted me to pay 10 rupees more. Then, I lost it. I charged the poor fellow who only wanted to earn a quick buck. I asked him what drove him to even say that - was it because I don’t look south Indian enough and too foreigner? And you call yourself a hospitable Hyderabadi, wow! I blamed it all on him. He readily agreed to ferry me by meter, I told him I’d pay him ‘that’ 10 rupees extra if his meter told the 60 rupees truth. His meter touched only 42 rupees, he said sorry and promised to be meter-nice to anyone. Well!

Whew! Take a break :O)

How I met the Tuk-Tuk in Hyderabad

I am so bored of autos but then they are my lifeline. In my first stint in Hyderabad, this was a life-saver literally. Of course I am not disclosing the princely amount I paid as fares. A lil’ familiarity with types and kinds and areas, saves you a paltry fortune. Company cabs saved much of the groping in the dark. Then, there was a sincere share for the auto guy for the weekend programmes. And Hyderabad does not have a pre-paid system, so the transgressions are expected.

The other long term solution was to stay close to well-connected places. The bus numbers and destinations often don’t match, there is a hell of a difference when one letter is not matched with the desired number - there is a 127K,J,N,P and I don’t remember the others. The city planning and roads beat me, they have a wired pattern, Road no. 1 runs next to 10 and 12. So autos are the safest option to reach where you want without getting scalded.

Some auto-guys are amazing, I tell you! No one ever spoke so politely, with “achchi baat hai” and “ok, madam”. There are also others who won't think twice that their balls could get crushed when they vomit “kahan se aya re”.

My first auto-ride in Hyderabad happened in Ameerpet while house-hunting four winters ago. The guy took us round and round like David’s sling till he forgot how much he had to fleece from us. In fact he was planning to take some of us on  a Hyderabad darshan, like we paid attention.

How I met the Tuk-Tuk

This tuk-tuk is a funny 3-wheeler with that grunting snout. It looked like a hooded scooter for specially abled people. In my part of the world, an auto rickshaw was unheard of until recently when they decided to introduce as a novelty item. Hilly terrain, meandering roads, lovely dales - we’d rather walk and feel the breeze. The first time I saw one such 3-wheeler ‘auto’ other than my made-in-Japan Daito tricycle was in Guwahati.  I just don’t agree with buses and more so, the drivers. They just toss you around like omelettes and the omelettes also throw up sometimes.

I adored autos because I dint have to take the buses and it was faster than the more eco-friendly but slower cycle-rickshaw. It comes at a premium - meters are always tampered, they are the ‘raj’. We all know about the flexi dimensional squeezes, lap one on top of the other, never mind. Every active male gave bum company to the driver in front, even though half in mid-air suspension with annoying pins and needles sensations if the road is delightfully bumpy.

There were those days when auto rides were nightmarish, if you got stuck in a local flood, and a neighbouring vehicle carelessly spluttered mud on your clothes. Also, it is never worthwhile to travel in an auto during the monsoon, you pay to get drenched. I have also seen autos involved in messy accidents because someone was rash, in most cases the auto-drivers themselves. They can and have turned turtle, you can imagine the rest.

Auto Chronicles

I always wanted to chronicle all my bitter-sweet amazing  auto experiences, however mundane they may seem to anyone. I have always enjoyed my auto rides in this city. It's the next best thing that can happen to a single woman (no, but I am engaged  to be engaged) in a big city who does not how to drive, has not made much effort to learn how to drive and does not have  that 24/7 kinda boyfriend or fiance who would double up as a willing driver, thanks to so many XYZ factors. 

Ok, so learning how to manoeuvre a 2-3-4 wheeler was/is never in my agenda. I come from the city of the princely pines - Shillong, where walking forever is a dream. I was forced to take the bus and the Maruti 800-cabs only during exams, not because I had to but because Papa wanted to accompany and travel in peace. Yes, the grand Ambassador taxis were phased out due to "old age" and they were stylishly replaced by the Maruti 800 cabs - 5-7 rupees is still the standard fare. Autos were introduced for plain-er areas, but I have seen them struggle gallantly up the winding hills. Oh, how adorable they looked from behind! You know, my sister refused to travel home in the quintessential auto-rickshaw during a Dussera outing, saying it would not do justice to her formal clothes. I guffawed!

My folks don't think it is a good idea for me to start driving in Hyderabad, they are paranoid about rash and reckless driving. They think there is enough short-temper heritage and legacy I carry that won't be a comfortable proposition. So, one more reason why I have not learned driving.

Overheard a conversation at work why one particular lady never learnt driving, her loving husband vowed that it would be a dream to see his wife dropped to work in a chauffeur-driven car. He fulfilled his vow and lives his dream. His wife is happy. So, she has her reasons not to learn driving. Cute.

It was and used to be very romantic to have a loved one come to pick you up for a romantic and quiet evening far from the madd(en)ing crowd. As both parties involved grow into it, there is the greater need for practicality, like avoiding traffic snarls and saving time and hassles. It does take away a chunk of the charm but unconditional love, affection and acceptance  and I say - "Remember the auto-guys?"

So here's to a series dedicated to my ever dependable autowallahs.

Smiles